Gambling Humor: Story of Gambler

(I am a slot technician at a casino, and a patron is having trouble cashing out of a slot machine. This is back when the only way to cash out was to get coins, and many patrons still used coins to play rather than bills. There is a button you push on the front of the machine to cash out, but it isn’t working.)

Me: “Hello, sir, what seems to be the problem?”

Patron: “Your machine is broken! I just want my d*** money but it won’t cash me out.”

(I ask him to hit the cashout button for me. We’re not allowed to hit any buttons while a patron has money in the machine. He does and it doesn’t work.)

Patron: “See?!”

(He mashes the button repeatedly in anger.)

Patron: “I want my d*** money!”

(At this point I look at the state of the machine and realize that it’s in the middle of a bet… He has already bet a credit and the machine is just waiting to spin. There is no way to get the money out until the spin is done. I begin to explain this to him.)

Patron: “That’s bull-s***! I DID NOT bet a credit. Why the hell would I do that when I want to go home!”

Me: “I don’t know, sir, but the machine does have a credit bet. If you could just hit the spin button…”

Patron: *yelling* “I did not bet a credit! I’m not going to spend any more of my money in your machine! You’re just trying to get more money out of me!”

Me: “Sir, if there are no credits bet, hitting spin won’t do anything. If you’re correct, nothing will happen. If I’m right, the machine will spin and you’ll be able to cash out.”

Patron: “I’m telling you that I did not bet a credit!”

Me: “Perhaps your hand slipped when you were hitting the cash out button, sir, and you accidently…”

Patron: *furious now* “Son, I’m a surgeon. My hands don’t slip. I take people’s lives in my hands every single day, and if my hands were prone to slipping those people could be dead! I want you to cash me out, NOW!”

(At this point the man’s wife, who had been sitting down next to us in silence the entire time, reached over and quietly hit the ‘spin’ button. As I expected, the machine bean to spin the reels. They landed on a small to credit win and the cash out button lit up. He lowered his gaze and slowly hit the cash out button. Of course, the coins began to drop in the tray. I flashed a small smile to the wife, who subtly rolled her eyes and looked apologetic. The surgeon, defeated, took his coins and slowly walked away without a word.)